faith is a journey

jagienka @ 2022-03-12T08:19:00

2022-03-12T16:20:40Z

Just a quick drive by. I know I don't post much here anymore, but I still read what other folks are posting.

Maybe more posting in the future, who knows.

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jagienka @ 2017-01-05T12:46:00

2017-01-05T18:52:38Z

So, following the security concerns over at LJ & a few other factors, I'll probably be doing my primary posting at DW & crossposting. (Same username on LJ & DW). I'll probably still read LJ for a bit, but trying to get in the habit of reading my DW stuff too. Let me know if you're on there?

( week of weird dreams )

I leave for San Diego in a week. What even is my life?

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an end to my unbroken streak

2016-08-03T18:20:19Z

People always tended to be shocked when I would tell them I've never broken a bone in my body (except chipping my tooth playing ultimate frisbee). Well, that streak has come to an end.
( how I broke my ankle )

Anyways, I'll probably be touch and go. Brain can't handle too much but i'm pretty immobile and boredom looms.

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academic problems

2013-09-06T11:19:32Z

So, the life crisis seems to be on its way to resolution. Still a few conversations to have and details to sort out, but the potential is pretty amazing (even if it will make for a crazy two years).

But, today I discovered Popular Culture Association/American Culture Association. They have academic conferences! My brain is already bubbling with conference proposals especially since the SFF subject group is looking for Doctor Who or Buffy stuff in particular because of anniversaries and queer studies mentioned a focus on queers and the Star Trek franchise. (I really want rhipowered to submit something for this.) SO MANY CHOICES.

Popular Culture stuff, while a huge academic interest of mine, probably won't end up my main focus in successive graduate work, but it is something I want to stay involved in. So yes, academic bug has bitten me again.

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home

2013-04-16T12:00:29Z

It is good to be home.

It is beyond surreal to fly into a subdued city, a quiet airport, more police than normal...

I learned about the Boston Marathon attacks as I was packing to fly home. For awhile didn't know if I'd fly out or not. Made it home safely and bad_influence picked me up like the angel she is.

To come home from my grandmother's funeral to this is hard. At some point I need to process the former, but I'm still in shock over the latter and glad that my friends are checking in okay.

A good night's sleep in my own bed with my kittens makes me feel ready to face the day. Today is still a day off for me (luckily), tomorrow back to the craziness of work and Saturday conference.

Slowly trying to catch up on everything.

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jagienka @ 2013-02-28T13:16:00

2013-02-28T18:17:07Z

There's been a fair amount of winter rain this week, which is hands down, my least favorite weather. It's also why I prefer to live somewhere winter precipitation is more likely to be snow instead of rain. Of course, it also zaps productivity which is not good when I have paper proposals due Friday.

I did have a great 2+ hour chat with the priest at the parish I'm shopping this past Sunday. She has a similar history to me (progressive Roman Catholic turned Episcopalian who once thought of becoming a nun). Very low key but with the high theology underpining it all. There's a good chance I might be able to find a community there. Which is promising. She also commented on my vocation in a way that's helping with my current disillusionment / reaching my rope's end.

Also, I have jobs! Two days a week, I'll be nannying for my cousin's youngest, Kiara, who is just shy of 12 weeks at the moment. Two days a week, I'll be working in Hartford for the Episcopal Diocese of Connecticut doing communications stuff for them. I know my boss there wants me, even if she's worried about the commute and that the job will be too boring for me. But at this point, I just need a job to stay in Boston and to fill up the resume so that there's something besides 'freelancing volunteer stuff' over the last 9 months.

Started nannying this week, which is a bit rough since K isn't quite bottle trained yet, so it's touch and go and she's nursing a cold. Next week starts the job in CT.

The two jobs won't totally pay the bills, but they'll come close, which is good. And I'll have Friday's off. Still waiting to hear from some full time jobs (and have more to apply for) and should hear from grad schools sometime in March. (Doing my best not to be obsessive about that.

Anyway, ( to-do list )

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Movie : Anna Karenina

2012-11-15T15:39:38Z

Last night we managed to get passes to a screening of the new Anna Karenina. I was 14 or 15 when I first read Anna Karenina (I was on a Russian classics kick) and loved it at the time. It's a problematic story and I enjoyed it more without a feminist & queer theory brain, so I'm loathe to reread it because I don't know if it'll capture me the same way. But I still remember most of the story so I didn't bother doing a reread before the movie. Movie adaptations of books, especially 800 page books with multiple subplots, often leave something to be desired. After all, the 1997 movie was pretty because of actors & being shot on location in Russia, but that was about it. It didn't do the story justice and I feel it didn't hold together enough as a movie. So I went into this movie with low expectations - if I got pretty costumes and pretty faces, I'd be happy.

Well, I was more than happy. The cinematography, art direction, choreography, score, and costumes were fantastic. I didn't realize Tom Stoppard had written the screenplay until the end credits rolled and then it made so much sense but it was also such a fitting choice. The screenplay in and of itself didn't blow me away, but the screenplay + the direction were a great fit. ( possible spoilers within )

Overall, I was pleasantly surprised. No, it's not a faithful page by page adaptation of the book - to do that, you'd need a 20+ hour BBC miniseries. But it maintains the spirit and story of the book in a two hour movie and for that reason is a successful adaptation. You don't have to read the book to enjoy the movie, but as a lover of the book, I still enjoyed the movie.

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jagienka @ 2012-08-10T15:44:00

2012-08-10T20:14:22Z

I did hear back from Xavier University in ohio - they made an offer to another candidate who accepted. Which I was more bummed about than I realized. Still waiting to hear back from Grinnell. Tried to touch base with the director there today only to discover that they're out of the office until Aug 15. So I won't know anything until then. Still trying to figure out if we're going to Poland for my cousin's wedding Aug 25. If it's a no from Grinnell, we go; if it's a yes, we don't. But plane tickets are non-refundable and we're not rich enough to drop that much money and possibly lose it.

Of course, I work a summer proofreading job which is temporary. It was going to roughly go till Aug 17 (which is about when my original plan to leave for Poland was). Today we found out they're keeping us roughly till Aug 24 if we want. Ever since being flown out for interviews though, I've been in this awkward position of any day could be my last day if I get an offer and have to move. The uncertainty was getting to me and I had a really bad mental health day last week because of it and I took this past Monday off because I needed a day to start attacking stuff around the house. (which hasn't been properly cleaned top to bottom since before the crazy travel schedule that was july). This past week I've been starting to think that I don't want to work past today. Whether I go to poland or need to move to Iowa, I'm going to need time to get the house in order & pack. And then I realized that we haven't had a vacation at all this summer and somehow it's been this crazy juggling act where I've done lots of little things, but it was crazy.

I realized that my brain needed to just stop. Work is slow and while getting paid to do nothing is nice, I knew I just needed to take a step back. Made today my last day.

So next week I CLEAN ALL THINGS and maybe get in some kayaking or biking or vacationing. But if we can put a dent in the condo to-do list, I'll be happy. And if I get an offer from Grinnell, I'll be overjoyed, but hopefully if it's a no, I'll find out in time to still go to Poland.

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jagienka @ 2012-05-06T06:58:00

2012-05-06T10:58:18Z

Well, my grandfather passed in his sleep last night. The end was quick enough and painless since they were keeping him doped up on morphine. He's been wanting to die since my grandmother passed two years ago, but I think it's good he had the two extra years - to reconcile with folks etc.

In the end, he left 4 kids, 12 grandkids, and 7 great grandkids (although the 8th is due in a month). He fought for the Polish underground army in WWII and was a tough man at times, but he loved his family and made huge sacrifices for them.

Albin Sypko
1920-2012

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on motivation, willpower, and self-discipline

2011-10-17T16:08:56Z

One of the things I've really struggled with in recent months is what I call being my own drill sergeant. I'm fairly good at working under pressure when there's an outside deadline, but it's become harder and harder for me to have the self-discipline and willpower to do stuff. I've become rubbish at starting & sticking with new habits or even creative projects that I want to do don't happen unless there's an outside deadline (let alone chores).

What bugs me most is that I used to be really good about self-discipline and willpower. (Granted, the best instances of this were at IMSA). And the one thing that seems different from that environment / lifestyle to know is how much I use my computer. So I'm wondering if trying to limit my computer time would work or if that would just make me cranky.

So, flist - how do you do it? What formula of reward / consequence works to motivate you? (Keep in mind, extremely limited budget, so buying myself something as a reward doesn't exactly work).

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jagienka @ 2011-07-30T11:18:00

2011-07-30T15:42:39Z

An update! *gasp*

Smith School of Social Work
-aced my first term courses. I love the pass/marginal pass/fail system, but wish there was a high pass. Yes, I'm that kid.
-Classes this term: Continuation of Social Work Practice with Individuals & Families, Continuation of Social Welfare Policy, Problems in Biopsychosocial Functioning, Agency and Community Practice, and Socio-cultural Concepts. So far I enjoy biopsychosocial because I like playing with the DSM, but it makes me long for more science /neurology and wonder if I should have gone the psych or Mental Health NP route. On the flip side, I love socio-cultural concepts because it's theory. Theory that I know and can push against and critical reading notes weekly at least give me some room to do reflection / push back against it.
-Break was good, but too short.
-Having a hard time getting back into classes.
-Three weeks left. Rather crazy.

Vacation
-spent three days camping in Nickerson State Park on the Cape. Biked a huge chunk of the Cape Cod Rail Trail, made s'mores & ice cream, swam in the ponds, waded in the chilly North Atlantic (how did I spend hours in that water as a child?), had a great time
-Harry Potter premier party was awesome that J's friend threw. Lots of planning evident, and so I've started thinking that J and I might do a joint birthday party in March (it's when we turn 30 after all) that's a costume party as long as I can do planning and stuff. Now to just figure out an appropriate geeky theme.

Condo
-Got new-ish appliances! Got a new stove/oven & dishwasher that are within 5 years old and pretty nice. Got them for free, so the only issue was moving them. I didn't realize how heavy stoves could be. Oi. Not moving that out myself if I can help it. They're both Bosch appliances, gorgeous (the dishwasher is woodpaneled and actually matches our cabinets) and a huge improvement over the appliances we had. Of course, the dishwasher is so quiet I often have to check to see if it's running. However, this meant I did plumbing, electrical, and a bit of gas work for the first time ever. (Though J's dad did most of the gas work)

In Boston for the weekend to catch up on some academic work, do a midterm, engage in self-care with roomie & kittens, do some tasks around the condo in preparation for bingblot's arrival this week, and attend a birthday party. Overacheiver much? me? Never.

I've got a fairly long to-do list percolating in my head and in various notebooks that I should get cracking on.. of course, it includes things like working on novels and writing little ficlets of things from character's povs that don't fit into existing rpgs... We'll see if I get to those or not.

Oh yes, and I have DW codes if anyone needs them, though for now, I'm not abandoning lj.

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Smith College admins prohibit trans student from hosting prospective students

2011-04-14T17:02:34Z

Smith College admin are refusing to let a trans student host prospective students, even when the student proposed informing the prospectives and leaving the choice to prospective student (i.e., if a prospie isn't comfortable with this, they don't have to stay there). Trans issues & rights have always been problematic at Smith - how do you reconcile a 'women's college' with trans & genderqueer students - but this is a here and now issue.

His account of the situation: here and here. Also, there is a piece by him in The Sophian.

It seems (though this may be an inaccurate perception), that many of the alums who are outraged at this are young alums who are not donating money to the college for whatever reasons (financial or other). But those who are able to give money shouldn't have the only say. Just because I don't have the money to give to Smith doesn't mean that I don't value my Smith education and that I don't deserve to have a say in what goes on at Smith.

Smith alums - If you feel strongly about this, then I urge you to do one of the following:

Sign the Petition
Email the administration: Pres. Christ, Dean Mahoney, etc.

And most of all, pass this info on. The administration should not be afraid of an accurate portrayal of the diversity of its student body.

(A hearty thanks to rhivolution for alerting me to this)

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